The Christmas Doldrums

Every. Single. Year.

I'm not kidding.  Every. Single. Year. it's the same crap.

It seems like EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR. when Christmas rolls around, we're penniless, anxious, depressed, and stressed.

For the last 3 years, we haven't bothered to put up a tree.  We haven't decorated for Christmas.  It's just been another day.  Another depressing, "Let's-get-this-over-with" day.

This year is no different.

Let me backtrack a bit.

Iowa was... an experience.  We had high hopes for getting a bit ahead there, which were dashed when we realized that Tracy wasn't going to be getting any transcripts.  We lost money every month.  When our lease was up, it was a choice of either moving to yet another over-priced house to go further in debt each month staying in Iowa, or moving into a divey crime-infested neighborhood that we could afford, or move out of the state.  We chose the latter... counting on getting our deposit back to help us afford the move.

We moved in November (that's part of the problem, quite frankly... we keep moving right before Christmas, draining resources and what little funds we have).  The move was incredibly expensive.  We couldn't have done it without some miraculous sales on the hotel side, and a loan from my mom.  As if the holidays weren't stressful enough, at 62 years of age, I'm still having to borrow money from my parents to live.   So much for self-esteem.  But I digress.

We arrive in Utah, to new beginnings, new possibilities, and no money.  We hit the ground running, however, and work hard from the get-go, living in my parents' basement to save money.  So far, so good, right?  We find a house that's liveable, but MUCH more expensive than what we've paid before in rent, but we swallowed hard, had faith, and took the plunge.

Getting paid for Tracy's work is the dictionary definition of "frustrating."  She doesn't get paid until the attorneys pay.  Which sometimes is sooner, sometimes is later.  In our case, of course, they simply can't be bothered to pay before Christmas, at least, so that she can be paid.  Isn't a priority.  So, another Christmas, still destitute.  Still struggling.  Still stressed out of our minds.

Our deposit from our house in Iowa?  The landlords decide, "Hey, they're gone.  They won't come after us.  We'll just keep it."  Can't get a single attorney to call us back... even those we are friends with.  Everyone wants to protect and defend the landlords... after all, they have the money.  Not the tenants.

Of course, nothing happens the week before/after Christmas, so we don't know if we're going to make rent on the 1st of January or not. 

We are tired, weary, exhausted, and utterly despondent.  Tired of constantly having to deal with this.  Tired of the battle.  Tired of being taken advantage of.  Tired of... well... all of it, actually.

Fa la la.